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Arguments: A Side Story
AKA Fey Bitchiness and PMSing Gargoyles

by Nemi & Edmondia Dantes

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Disclaimer: Not ours, and for good reason! No $, alas.

AN: She started it, I finished it. Yes, we are a sad couple of losers. In our defense, it was late and we were hyper.

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They had annexed Goliath's perch just after sunrise. They were just standing there, arms folded, perfectly still, not a hair moving despite the wind. Not a word spoken, not an eye blinked. Just standing, staring each other down as if in silent communion. A small, near-smile marked the trickster's face, and a small near-frown marked the king.

All day, perfect alien statues at once with nature and beyond it, atop the tower, unmoving and disturbing.

Needless to say when Goliath awoke and noticed them he quickly vacated the premises. He strode (he did not scurry, for that would have been undignified, though scurry did indeed describe the movement he made) over to the great hall and ducked inside, trailed by the rest of the clan, whose buggy eyes would have been greatly amusing had he not been certain his own eyes were bugging out like demented golf balls.

He flung open the doors with a mighty 'boom' then nearly plowed headfirst into David and Fox Xanatos.

Goliath coughed, pulled himself up to his full, impressive height, and towered over the two humans. (Well, one human, one half-human, but whatever, right?)

"What is the meaning of this, Xanatos?" he snarled in his most menacing tone.

The Xanatoses looked entirely nonplussed.

Fox tossed her magnificent hair, snorted, and said, "They've been like that all day long. Alex keeps whimpering whenever he looks at them."

David just looked grumpy. "At this rate they'll never come down. Hmm. Do you suppose we could pass them off as replacement statues?"

"Well, shouldn't somebody ask them what's going on?" Angela questioned, casting a nervous glance around at the assembled party.

Several 'ahems' and much twiddling of thumbs ensued as everyone suddenly found the ceiling, floor, and walls to be of monumental interest.

Angela placed both hands on her hips and leveled a glare that could melt titanium at every last man, woman, and gargoyle in the place. "Well?" she growled. The resemblance to her mother couldn't have been stronger had she suddenly grabbed a grenade launcher and begun shouting "Death to the fleshy pink ones!"

More 'ahems'.

Angela folded her arms for a moment, seeming to consider something. After a long moment of silence, she lunged forward, seized Xanatos by his collar, and flung him bodily out the door.

Dead silence.

"Who's next?" she demanded, eyes flashing scarlet.

The Great Hall had never been vacated more quickly.

So they trooped out like men... women... whatevers... condemned to execution, or at least condemned to the mercy of two very scary fey who had a tendency to not get along very well. It was the same thing, really, although people were rarely turned into small, attractive throw rugs at executions.

One by one, they filed up the stairs, hearts in their throats, and Angela snarling at them from behind to "Keep moving or they'd regret it."

The highest tower had never seemed quite so high or terrifying before. They stood in neat rows, the Xanatoses in the front, like schoolchildren before a vicious kindergarten teacher. In truth, they were facing something much scarier.

The two of them moved not an inch when they arrived, didn't blink when Angela snapped at them to fall into line, didn't so much as breathe. But then, they didn't have to.

After several long, tense moments of chokingly thick silence, Xanatos came to a descision. He would have to do it, and hope that Puck's friendship would save him from the horrible fate of living out the rest of his days as a small lawn decoration.

He straightened his spine, cleared his throat, and put on his best "I'm a multibillionaire and can squash you like a bug" face.

"What is going on here?" he demanded in a clear, ringing voice.

Slowly, two pairs of brilliant blue eyes slid in his direction. The slight frown on Oberon's face deepened in displeasure.

Xanatos winced, said his last prayers, and waited to be blown into smithereens.

After another agonizingly long moment, Puck tilted his head, eyes narrowing, a slight, devilish smirk curling his lips.

"Do you really want to know?" he purred pleasantly.

The entire group stepped back simultaneously.

"Um... yes?" Xanatos managed feebly.

That sapphire gaze flicked for a moment back at the fey king, whose visage was impassive as ever, though he was still frowning.

Finally, the trickster glanced back, a wicked sparkle appearing in his eyes. Puck placed one hand on his hip, flicked the air with the other, and drawled, "He says tastes great, I say less filling. Why can't we all get along?"

*THUD*

Oberon blinked in consternation, then glanced back at the trickster, who wore an equally puzzled expression.

Puck tapped a thoughtful finger against his chin and said slowly, "And here I thought that only happened in anime."

"It would seem you were mistaken," the king replied, watching the mortals slowly pick themselves up from where they had facefaulted headfirst into the ground.

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AN: Tee hee hee. The punchline was my fault, as was everything below Goliath waking up. I regret nothing!

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Written in 2002 by Dia the Unrepentant and Nemi