...Can't Change Its Spots - A Petshop of Horrors Fanfic
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...Can't Change Its Spots
by Edmondia Dantes

Disclaimer: They aren't mine.

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D looked at Leon. Then he looked at the jaguar. Then he looked at Leon.

The jaguar grinned back unrepentantly and licked Leon's cheek.

Leon gave a cheery hiccup and pulled her fully onto his lap. She giggled. So did he.

"No," D said firmly. "Not the detective."

The jaguar pouted. Leon made a face. "Yer jus' jealoush."

D's eyebrow twitched. "As you appear to be pickled, my dear detective. And as for you, I believe your tiger companion might have something to say about your choice of human..."

The jaguar grinned back at him. She had a lot of teeth. "None better." She nosed the bright fall of Leon's hair with a low, pleasant growl. "King of the beasts, isn't he?"

The teacup in his grip cracked. D very gently set it down on the low table. "...the name is not meant to be taken literally."

The jaguar turned her gaze back to Leon. "He's definitely jealous."

"Totally jealoush," Leon agreed, nodding wisely, or drunkenly, or both. "But he's got the goat-thing. Tha's true love. All the biting."

"Kinky."

"Totally. S'shadow - shado - shadowmasochism, thas'h what it is. Like the dentisht girlfriend."

"And he has the nerve to criticize our healthy flirting?"

"You," D said icily, "have your claws wrapped around his thigh."

The jaguar blinked innocently back at him. "But he might get away otherwise."

"I sincerely doubt that."

"Then you won't mind the insurance. I assure you I won't damage him."

"Any damage inflicted would be damage he has earned."

"Tsk, D, you're too cruel. We mustn't mar his pretty face, and well you know it."

"He has other parts," D muttered darkly, then frowned fiercely as the jaguar dissolved into giggles.

"Sadomasochism indeed! I don't think he's quite that kinky, D!"

His other eyebrow twitched. "I assure you, the detective is--"

"--asleep."

D looked at Leon. The jaguar looked at Leon. Leon didn't look at anything, because he was passed out in her cleavage, a ridiculous grin plastered across his face.

D frowned.

"You're totally jealous!" the jaguar crowed triumphantly, and accentuated the point by giving Leon's butt a very deliberate and prolonged grope.

For the first time in the shop's history, Count D threw his teacup at someone other than Leon Orcot. It should therefore be unsurprising that he missed her entirely and hit Leon instead.

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