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The Path of Thorns
by Edmondia DantesDisclaimer: Not mine.
AN: 'Heaven' was supposed to be a oneshot. Honestly, it was. You can still take it that way. I think I prefer it as such. But... I've found that once an idea wants out... well, then I haven't got much of a choice, have I? So it is with grave misgivings that I hand you that which clawed itself out of my brain. I'm just glad that it's out.
Yugi's pov, the morning after, addressing his yami. Strangeness ensues.
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It's dawn now, or something like it, and I'm lying here and watching you sleep. I woke up a while ago, and you were here, holding on to me like you'd die without it.
You're clinging to me still.
And now... now I don't know what I feel. I hurt all over - a consequence I hadn't thought of in the flurry of the night before. God, last night - I've never felt so terrified and elated and confused and sick and wonderful before, not ever. I'm tired and drained and sore and warm and so confused... so very confused. I fell asleep in your arms last night and dreamed of nothing - what dream could compare with what I had just done? And what have you done?
You sigh and pull me closer - still asleep, my love? Yes - so rare to see your sharp eyes closed and your face relaxed, brow finally smoothed of worry and fury, lips soft and parted as you breathe. You are breathing, and I can feel your heartbeat under my fingertips, and perhaps that is the strangest thing of all.
You've been dead for centuries. I sometimes can't understand it - why so many flee when met with the sight of your eyes, why they hesitate when darkness stirs and swirls around you. So much power... shifting and rippling within your... no, our soul, ever-ready to coil and strike... and even with all that you held me in your arms and kissed me.
I love you - I love you so much it hurts. It's probably a little bit crazy, I guess, to feel this way about anyone, especially you. But I love you now and I can't stop myself from loving you forever. And you? You wiped away the tears and soothed the ache and swore your soul to me - I don't know how I know, but you did something last night after I fell asleep, and now we're... I don't know what we are. Soulmates? But haven't we always been? Lovers? ...newly-made, after last night. Oh Yami, what are we? Who am I? I just don't know anymore! You and me and us and forever? I'm so confused...
And what's still worse... the most awful thing of all... I can't tell if you love me.
I know... I know how much you need me. I know if anyone else even dreamed of touching me you'd kill them in an instant. I know you can't stand it when I give a girl a second look. I know how jealous you are of my time with my friends - how on edge you get if someone stands just a little bit too close to me.
I know you better than you know yourself. I know that if I ever went out on a date you'd be tight-lipped and silent the whole time, and even a little bit after - but then you'd be growly and possessive of me for the next week. You don't even know, do you? How very jealous you are? But then... you don't think about that. You don't think about holding me when I cry - you just do. You don't think about protecting me - but you do. You don't think about latching on to me to calm yourself down - but you do. You have absolutely no clue how often you do that - squeeze me tight against your chest and bury your face in my hair or neck and nuzzle desperately close until your volatile darkness grows still and calm in the face of my light. So much need... and still I'm not certain.
You... you just try to make me happy. God, how could I not fall in love with you? Beautiful as sin and completely devoted to me - I never even had a chance to think about it! It just sort of happened... and maybe it's for the best that it did. And you might be just a little bit too old for me - a few millennia here and there, but you're just a kid like me. Maybe you're a little too cold - but you're my opposite, and that's how you're supposed to be. Maybe I'm too young for this - but there's eternity in your eyes.
I love you. I'm sorry if I forced you into this but I love you and I'm never going to stop. Not even if you wake up and shove me out of our bed.
Our bed. Ours. My God, it is our bed now, isn't it? God - I can't believe that we... that you... that I... You're so beautiful like this, so hopelessly beautiful and dark and glowing with your own shadows. How could I ever compare? And why in the world did you...? With me? Was it pity?
No! No! You wouldn't do that to me, you wouldn't! Would you? No! God, please no! Anything but that!
...no. No, you wouldn't. I remember now - your breath soft and warm against my skin, salt lingering under my tongue from our last bruising kiss, my whole body trembling beneath the heat of you, intoxicating darkness swirling into my mind while I gasped for air, and the gentle curl of deep affection that brushed against my soul when you closed your eyes and whispered my name like a prayer. Yes... I remember. Even if you don't love me... I'm the only person you care about. And you're the only one who will ever hold me like that - because you'd probably kill anyone else who tried.
You're so strange, sometimes... all gleaming mischief one instant and all cold calculation the next. You switch from playful and affectionate to sadistic and cruel within a heartbeat. Such a strange dichotomy, my morning star, so very strange.
You mumble something and shift your grip. Mmm... warm. You're so warm, so gentle, so dark... light fingertips curving against my stomach, golden bangs tickling my skin, and velvet skin soft and sleek against my own.
Yami...
//...aibou?//
Oh God.
/...ne?/
Your eyes flutter open and glance around drowsily before that familiar brilliant crimson settles on me. I bite my lip and blush as your gaze wanders from my tangled hair all the way down to the tips of my toes and back.
And... you smile. Soft and slow and sweet and tinged with sadness. Something strange is swimming beneath the warm surge of affection that swirls down our bond, but you just squeeze me a bit tighter and wriggle more snugly around me.
"Um..." What do you say once you've slept with your yami?
"A simple 'good morning' would suffice," you murmur softly, voice low and husky and... chocolatey.
I bite my lip again and wish I could look away, but you're so beautiful like this, quiet and sleepily content with a tinge of nervousness flickering in your eyes, so very very close to me... I've never been this close to anyone - and just because I've slept in your arms once before doesn't mean it's the same thing - after all... we were wearing clothes then. And now?
Now we're staring at each other with anxious shy uncertain smiles and flushed faces and your arms are wrapped around me tight and I can feel your heart beating against mine.
Oh God, what do I do now? I know I'm all red and fidgeting inside and you're not helping at all by being so quiet and shy and running your fingers over my stomach like that.
You take in a soft breath - and now you bite your lip and lean forward, only to hesitate and pull back again.
//Are you...?//
/Do you...?/
Awkward silence. I don't know what to say - you're nervous and shy and feeling strange, I can tell that much - and it's exactly the same way I feel. I can't help but shift uncomfortably - you're warm and wonderfully snuggly, but it's almost frightening how well we fit together.
//Hikari...// you breathe, and I freeze with my heart in my throat.
/...Yami?/ I manage to whisper back, feeling my chest tighten apprehensively. I don't know what to expect - your emotions keep swirling around confusingly, and I can't tell from the fuzz in my head what either of us are going to do.
Which is why I'm so surprised when my hands tentatively drift up your chest and bury themselves into your hair. Your eyes widen with sudden startlement - and slowly you untangle an arm from tight around me and raise it to my chin, and I don't know why I'm doing this but I slide up your chest until I'm draped completely over you and you're cupping my face in your hand and your eyes are so gentle and it's so warm and hazy and Yami...
And then I'm kissing you and you're kissing me and it tastes like sun and shadow and you and your grip gets so tight around me and your fingers curl into my hair and we're pressed together so tightly and I think I've started crying and you're shivering and mumbling something to me but I don't understand the words and it's sweet and it's spicy and it smells like heat and power and gold is flashing behind my eyelids and the world gets all melty and twisty around us and the air shifts and changes and there's wind rushing past my ears but the only thing I can hear is your voice and all I can feel is you so warm and dark and alluring and hungry and I press myself as hard as I can against you and graceful strange words that I can't understand tumble down our bond and I don't know but I've said but I know it's right because you shift under me and snarl in fierce reply and the kiss gets hard and demanding and wonderful and overwhelming - and everything is drowned in a blast of heat and a flash of light and then all is blissful darkness.
When I can finally open my eyes, we're tangled together all over again, and you're blinking just as dazedly as I am and I'm so tired now but I feel... I feel like...
I feel like I've fallen in love with you all over again.
And you laugh softly and nuzzle your face into the crook of my neck. "Sweet little hikari..." you breathe against me, your mouth warm and wet and distracting as you nip gently at my skin.
"Mmm... Yami..." I feel drowsy and complete and like there's honey melting in my bones. Your mind brushes against mine - I sigh against your hair as the double echo of pleasure-deepened sensation tickles at my brain.
/Yami... what was that?/
You pull back enough to look me in the eyes, and there's so much warmth glowing there... so much hunger, so much curiosity, so brilliant - and always darkness, a jealous need gleaming knife-bright within bloody crimson seas.
//A promise,// you murmur after a moment, drawing your fingertips carefully over my lips.
For a moment, I can't breathe. You're so perfect... /I don't know what I'm supposed to do,/ I whisper back, and curl the fingers of our other hand together. Intertwined - pale and slender, soft gold and softer ivory. One, but not the same. Yami and hikari... You're so very very beautiful...
//Neither do I,// you admit slowly, gently stroking my cheek like it's the most fascinating thing you've ever seen.
I'm blushing again. /How are we ever going to make this work?/
You shrug silently. //Whatever way we can.//
And even after all of this... "I love you," I whisper aloud, glancing away from your hungry eyes.
You give a soft, short cry - Yami? Yami, my yami, why won't you look at me? Yami?
I sit up as best as I can in the tangle of blankets and tug you up against me. Slow fear starts swirling in my stomach - don't you love me? You don't, do you? Yami!
I tug your limp hands away from your face and...
My God. You're crying.
Crystal tears well in your ruby eyes and spill down your cheeks like lost diamonds and your whole body is trembling and I'm suddenly drowning in a thick cloud of misery and my stomach drops out from under me and I can't breathe or think or feel and oh my yami what's wrong with you?
/Yami!/ I cry frantically, seizing your hands and lifting them to my chest - they're ice cold and shaking, and Yami what's the matter please talk to me! Yami!
Your lips are white and you're biting them so hard that scarlet's staining your teeth - it's the same color as your eyes and spilling down your pale gold skin and please... please... why can't I feel what you need? Yami, aibou, please, please, your hands are so cold, so cold, and you're shaking so hard you might break and it's so empty and awful and please you have to look at me, you have to!
/Yami!/ I wail, dropping your hands around my waist - ice cold! And I touch your pale face and look into your eyes and all I see is that awful darkness swirling in your soul and crashing all around you and there's so much misery and emptiness and oh God what's the matter what did I do? You're so cold, so -cold-! I can hardly feel you at all!
I fling my arms around your neck and now I'm crying too, and it aches inside, it aches, and the darkness comes crashing down our link and smashes into me and it hurts it hurts! You're so cold... cold as death and winter and deepest frost...
"Yami!" I sob against your shoulder, "Yami, please!"
I don't know what I'm begging for but Yami God Yami it hurts so much - I'm dizzy and sick and the room's all spinning and crazy and strange and you're still and it hurts!
/Yami.../ I whimper through the haze of agony... /Aibou, koibito, please! Please! I love you! I don't care if you hate me or if you want me to die, but I love you!/
It's so dark... all the light is dying, it's dying, and you're so cold...
I'm drowning - I'm drowning and I can't feel anything but the darkness and the hungry shadows and the seeking fingertips and there's madness here that's stalking my soul and Yami! Where are you?
I'm falling - the world's gone, the world was never there, the world was a joke and a dream and so was that kiss and that seal because you'll never love me you'll never want me I was just a toy and a game because you love your games and that's all you can ever love because you're an empty soul and so cruel and cold you has no use for a weakling like me and I never deserved you anyway becacuse all I did was make you weak and helpless and it never mattered because you never cared because you never needed me because I'm helpless and useless and worthless and everything's faded to black because I'm all alone and you hate me, you used me, you only needed my body to survive and play with, you never wanted me, never!
I think I'm screaming now, but there isn't any sound here, there isn't any sound and there isn't any light and I'm dying, I'm dying, because the darkness is the only thing that wants me - coiling around me and sliding into my lungs and choking me and Yami you don't care you don't care you don't care and it's settling into me and suffocating me and I can't feel anything not anything and you're so still in my arms and the darkness... the shadows...
I'm dying. I'm dying and it doesn't matter.
I think I'm screaming and crying but it doesn't matter because I'm dying.
Darkness... hungry violent eager darkness... lust and sin and everything wrong... it slips into me and slowly fills me up and it's wrong, it's horrible, it's awful it's terrible I can't feel anything but the darkness choking me and you're not moving at all and I'm sorry Yami I'm sorry but I'll always love you... I'm so sorry...
And then I can't feel anything because the darkness takes control.
I'm dead.
The last of my energy slips from my fingers and I slump against your frozen form and surrender to the shadows. I can feel myself collapse - nothingness into nothing until there's none of me left at all - and I crumble at your side.
The laughing darkness springs with a cry of delight.
A shriek - high and inhuman and feral and tortured. Myself?
The darkness is silent. ...could it be gone? There's something soft against my skin, warm and familiar and... I force open my heavy eyes to see nothing but my pillow.
And you.
Sitting there at my side, trembling like a leaf in the wind, your beautiful face buried in your hands, shaking with the force of your silent sobs, your pain exquisite and slicing like icy fire down my skin.
/...yami?/ I whisper, feeling strange and terrified and...
You glance up at me through tangled golden hair and your eyes are so empty and tortured that I can feel myself die a little bit. For a moment, you're so still that I want to scream - but I cry as soon as your hands meet mine, your fingers lacing together insistantly with mine. Warm and living and breathing and it's you, isn't it? It's you?
Then - need, sheer and pure and breathtaking and painful.
You fling yourself against me and crush your mouth against mine and Yami Yami Yami...
You're sobbing so hard it hurts us both and you're petting me and stroking my hair and rubbing against me and crying and, "Yami..." I whisper, wrapping my arms around you. /My yami.../
All warm and need and you...
//Aibou aibou sweet sweet sweet hikari mine pretty tiny precious precious Yugi mine!//
You're so terrified and miserable and Yami please! You kiss my lips and my eyelids and my throat and my hair and my ears and my nose and my lips again, so hard and deep and hungry and I can't stop crying and neither can you and oh God...
/What's wrong with us?/
And you're still sweet and warm and crying hysterically in my arms. //Everything and nothing and everything! Holy Ra, what I've done...!//
/I love you I love you I love you I love you.../ I whimper against your starving kisses and your searching hands - I don't know what's going on or what was wrong or why you need me so much but... Yami...
//Hikari...//
You pin me down and kiss me so hard and warm and deep and I can taste our tears and misery and want and need and Yami...
/I love you.../
And you're still sobbing, deep wracking jagged cries, even as the hysterics finally calm, even when I can hold you and feel you shudder, even when I kiss you and pet you and ssh...
/I love you,/ I whisper fiercely into another pleading kiss, /No matter what, I love you./
You shudder and shift hard against me. //Forever mine...// you hiss darkly, voice thick with possession and something strange that I can't understand.
/I love you,/ I repeat, wiping away your ceaseless tears with a fumbling hand. What else can I say?
For a moment, we part, flushed and panting and covered in tears.
Passion and need and hunger and desperate want.
/Why...?/
//Because we joined - I sealed myself to you. Bound my darkness in your light - your light in my darkness. The magic of the Shadows... did not understand this. They only wished your power... and I nearly lost you to them. But... you are strong, you always have been, sweet hikari. Now nothing can separate us. Never - not even forever. Not when the gods have blessed us. Never.//
I gulp. /Forever?/
Your tears are faltering now, and you give me a sweet, achingly sad smile. //Forever. Was that not your wish?//
God, Yami, my beautiful darkness... /Was it yours?/
You give a soft huff and shake your head. //Does it matter? I did it for you - for us. For the sake of our own soul.//
For me. You did it for me, didn't you? Everything in the world for me... including yourself. God, Yami... what else can I say but, /I love you./
You smile. And that smile is so heartbreaking and so beautiful and so bright and sad and tender...
And the promise you made me burns bright as flame in your eyes.
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